The Love of the Buffalo

I'm going to be honest with you this week. I've never really been in a real relationship. Believe it or not, I'm not the best at the game of love and the rarity of those with buffalo fetishes does not help.

Besides one incident with a foxy looking giraffe, I'm basically a virgin. I don't count making love with a giraffe as actual sex because for one, I couldn't see her face most of the time and two, I couldn't really reach beyond her knees. Anyway, I've been on my own for the past 22 years and I had pretty much given up hope. That is until I met Victoria.

Victoria is like no other girl in this world; she's smart, funny, and incredibly sexy. We met some time ago and at first I was intimidated by her beauty but after we bumped into each other at the grocery store we have really hit it off. Turns out you find love when you least expect it.

Just the other day we had a magical candle lit day in the park. It was amazing.


You find love in the strangest of places... and people.

In other news, my webseries, The Wingmen, is a finalist for The Streamy's Audience Choice Award. Please go support us by checking out the website below and voting for us.

http://vote.streamys.org/

Thanks!

Buffapoem

The animal kingdom is not always fair I've learned.

I decided to write this poem to express how I feel. I hope it finds you well.



In addition to love all buffalos enjoy popcorn, green beans, and the movie Ghostbusters.

A New Purpose

I have very little to say today. In fact I have nothing at all to say. I will say this: I encourage each and everyone of you to find the time to appreciate the finer things in life. Go out into the world and enjoy nature. Take a walk just for the sake of seeing God's beautiful creatures. Listen to what an old snail has to say. Live!

Drugs...

So it finally happened. I was grazing in a pasture last Saturday when I came across some delicious looking mushrooms. I'm normally not one for fungi but it was a Saturday. Within moments I felt a warmth well up from my hoofs and I was thrown into a world of heffalumps, weasels, and hamburgers.


Buffalo on Shrooms from chris demarais on Vimeo.

I somehow managed to find my way home despite the large green corn man that kept whispering secrets into my ears. When I arrived, I found something very unusual.

Rubarb Dance from chris demarais on Vimeo.

Needless to say, I will be a little more careful the next time I graze near cow shit.

Tragedy Amongst the Buffalo

Buffaloes have been in the news a lot in the past week or two and it's not for our great sense of smell, good looks, or the mass holocaust we suffered at the hands of Native Americans.  No, it's for a much grimmer reason.  It's a result of the plane crash of Flight 3407 that went down in Buffalo, New York late last Thursday night, killing almost 50 people.   It was truly a tragic event and many innocent people lost their lives. 

However, in a bitter irony, a flying transport buffalo died last Tuesday, along with almost two dozen passengers he carried, after he lost control and crash landed in the city of Airplane, New York.

Though reports are hazy, it's hypothesized the buffalo's balance was off due to turbulent winds and a nasty stomach ache brought on from a diet of monkey grass and dandelions.  Below you can find breaking footage of the tragic accident sent in by a witness who happened to be filming his skycam at the time of the incident.

Buffalo Flight from chris demarais on Vimeo.

Smelling a Buffalo, etc.

One thing I've noticed is that people don't really know what us buffalo smell like.  Some assume that we smell like a farm or manure because we're "animals."  That pisses me off.  Don't assume that I smell bad just because I'm not human.  I've encountered plenty of stinky humans out there who smell way worse than any buffalo I know.  

Sometimes people's lack of knowledge on buffalo fragrance works to my advantage.  I can think of half a dozen occasions when some drunk girl at a party came and smelled my fur. 

You can't beat that.

 

It's difficult to judge one's own aroma but in my opinion, I smell like a sunny day in the summer with sound of children laughing in the distance.

In other news, I have two screenings coming up for my short film "Thick as Thieves" that I made with my friend Marshall.  Next week it's going to play at the UT-Rice showcase in Houston.  This was exciting news because out of the four UT films selected, ours was the only undergrad one.

The second screening is going to be in the SXSW film festival in March.  The shorts program hasn't been announced yet so I won't know until later what day it screens.  

In a lot of ways this is much more fun for me than last year when my web-series, "The Wingmen,"  was a finalist in the SXSW Greenlight Awards.  I think the difference is that I didn't get a full filmmaker badge because I was going out of town and there are five other writer/directors for the show.  

I am looking forward to more free sandwiches.

Speaking of sandwiches, that reminds me of my old job as a crosswalk attendant at an elementary school.  At the time it was just a way for me to make some extra spending money but looking back, I think it really had an impact on me.

Herding the Children from chris demarais on Vimeo.

I hate children.  If I ever have children, please kill me.  Or my children.  Actually,  kill them. That's better because for one, I bet they would be easier to take out and two, then I wouldn't be dead.

Puppy Love.

It's official. I'm heartbroken. I'm in love with this beautiful girl who is perfect for me except for one thing. She's neither a buffalo nor is she into buffalo men.

You see, my friend set us up on a blind date the other day and I must admit that I was a little hesitant at first. He kept telling me how hot the girl was but I was afraid I would sit down and some cow would walk in and sit next to me. I could never date a bovine. Or a fat chick. Just not into them.

Anyway, it turns out I go on this date with this wonderful girl who must be my perfect mismatch because I'm in love and she "just wants to be friends." I blame it on her parents. They've instilled the idea into her that it's not ok to date someone from the opposite race. I tried explaining that I would do my best to change but she's concerned about how it would affect our children.

To allieve her worries, I went to my doctor and had him create a theoretical profile of what our child might look like and for some reason it didn't persuade her.

















What a bitch. But a bitch I'm in love with...

In the beginning...

So let me tell you a little about myself. I am a 22 year old water buffalo or Bubalus bubalis if you want to get technical. There aren't many of my kind in Texas and I believe I'm the only true water buffalo at the University of Texas. There are a few oxen and a moose who like to pretend but you can always tell when people are faking.

Here's a picture of me from last Saturday. I was sort of drunk at the time but alcohol and pictures always mix together well so what the hell. Hey I rhymed!
Anyway, I'll be updating this blog once or twice a week so you will have plenty of opportunities to see me wasted. I'll also be posting different school projects of mine.

I also spend a lot of my time working on my tv show/web series called "The Wingmen." Here's a trailer so I don't have to take the time to explain it.


I'm a writer/actor/editor/camera operator/boom op/sound mixer for the show so it can be pretty time consuming. Mostly because it takes me hours in post-production to replace my body with a cgi human actor. My agent suggested I do this because "buffalo aren't really camera pretty." I guess the world just isn't ready for a buffalo television actor. Oh well, if a black man can get elected president maybe some day a buffalo can be on tv.

If you want to see episodes of the show then you should check out our website.

www.thewingmentv.com

I guess that's about all I have to say at the moment. Perhaps I'll go have a snack now.