Drugs...

So it finally happened. I was grazing in a pasture last Saturday when I came across some delicious looking mushrooms. I'm normally not one for fungi but it was a Saturday. Within moments I felt a warmth well up from my hoofs and I was thrown into a world of heffalumps, weasels, and hamburgers.


Buffalo on Shrooms from chris demarais on Vimeo.

I somehow managed to find my way home despite the large green corn man that kept whispering secrets into my ears. When I arrived, I found something very unusual.

Rubarb Dance from chris demarais on Vimeo.

Needless to say, I will be a little more careful the next time I graze near cow shit.

Tragedy Amongst the Buffalo

Buffaloes have been in the news a lot in the past week or two and it's not for our great sense of smell, good looks, or the mass holocaust we suffered at the hands of Native Americans.  No, it's for a much grimmer reason.  It's a result of the plane crash of Flight 3407 that went down in Buffalo, New York late last Thursday night, killing almost 50 people.   It was truly a tragic event and many innocent people lost their lives. 

However, in a bitter irony, a flying transport buffalo died last Tuesday, along with almost two dozen passengers he carried, after he lost control and crash landed in the city of Airplane, New York.

Though reports are hazy, it's hypothesized the buffalo's balance was off due to turbulent winds and a nasty stomach ache brought on from a diet of monkey grass and dandelions.  Below you can find breaking footage of the tragic accident sent in by a witness who happened to be filming his skycam at the time of the incident.

Buffalo Flight from chris demarais on Vimeo.

Smelling a Buffalo, etc.

One thing I've noticed is that people don't really know what us buffalo smell like.  Some assume that we smell like a farm or manure because we're "animals."  That pisses me off.  Don't assume that I smell bad just because I'm not human.  I've encountered plenty of stinky humans out there who smell way worse than any buffalo I know.  

Sometimes people's lack of knowledge on buffalo fragrance works to my advantage.  I can think of half a dozen occasions when some drunk girl at a party came and smelled my fur. 

You can't beat that.

 

It's difficult to judge one's own aroma but in my opinion, I smell like a sunny day in the summer with sound of children laughing in the distance.

In other news, I have two screenings coming up for my short film "Thick as Thieves" that I made with my friend Marshall.  Next week it's going to play at the UT-Rice showcase in Houston.  This was exciting news because out of the four UT films selected, ours was the only undergrad one.

The second screening is going to be in the SXSW film festival in March.  The shorts program hasn't been announced yet so I won't know until later what day it screens.  

In a lot of ways this is much more fun for me than last year when my web-series, "The Wingmen,"  was a finalist in the SXSW Greenlight Awards.  I think the difference is that I didn't get a full filmmaker badge because I was going out of town and there are five other writer/directors for the show.  

I am looking forward to more free sandwiches.

Speaking of sandwiches, that reminds me of my old job as a crosswalk attendant at an elementary school.  At the time it was just a way for me to make some extra spending money but looking back, I think it really had an impact on me.

Herding the Children from chris demarais on Vimeo.

I hate children.  If I ever have children, please kill me.  Or my children.  Actually,  kill them. That's better because for one, I bet they would be easier to take out and two, then I wouldn't be dead.

Puppy Love.

It's official. I'm heartbroken. I'm in love with this beautiful girl who is perfect for me except for one thing. She's neither a buffalo nor is she into buffalo men.

You see, my friend set us up on a blind date the other day and I must admit that I was a little hesitant at first. He kept telling me how hot the girl was but I was afraid I would sit down and some cow would walk in and sit next to me. I could never date a bovine. Or a fat chick. Just not into them.

Anyway, it turns out I go on this date with this wonderful girl who must be my perfect mismatch because I'm in love and she "just wants to be friends." I blame it on her parents. They've instilled the idea into her that it's not ok to date someone from the opposite race. I tried explaining that I would do my best to change but she's concerned about how it would affect our children.

To allieve her worries, I went to my doctor and had him create a theoretical profile of what our child might look like and for some reason it didn't persuade her.

















What a bitch. But a bitch I'm in love with...